You can be angry all you want, and that’s the problem; when you really consider life and the things around you, it seems inevitable that anger follows. Today I’m left bereft of hope and solace, and I have no idea why. It seems the world is full of nothing but broken promises and broken truths that fail to measure up. Why is it that nobody can ever seem to say what they mean, do what they say, and just leave it at that? Why is it filled with half truths, and “things I probably won’t do”, and “things I have no intention of doing”. What the fuck does intention have to do with anything? I have no intention of dying, does that mean I’m going to magically live forever? Why can’t it be, “I will not.” or “I will.” or “Yes” or “No”? Why does everything in between have to be so fucking complicated, and why does everyone feel the need to tread within the gray area to their hearts content? I was thinking about something I wrote, and it fits my day and my mood today. I’m posting it here because, well, I’ve got nothing left to write that

Continue readingCures you whisper make no sense, drift gently into mental illness

Today marks the 40 year anniversary of Apollo 11’s famous launch. 40 years ago, three men embarked on what would be an accomplishment unsurpassed in terms of technology and sheer intellectual prowess. There are times when I honestly wish I had been alive to see the first steps on the moon, to hear those first words spoken on the surface, and to see those two men (Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin) hopping along like oversized rabbits thousands of miles away. There’s a website being run by the Kennedy Library, and on it, they’re providing a simulation of the moon landing in real time. What that means is, they’re reliving the entire launch, trip, broadcast, landing, and return, all via a webcast/website. I encourage you all to check it out. Not only is it neat, but it’s about as close to actually reliving the experience as most of us younger generation will ever get. Here’s the website: http://wechoosethemoon.org/

The following is something that a friend of mine wrote about his latest experience with home ownership and, more importantly, about his dad:  I’m upstairs. Two floors upstairs. I hear absolute unequivocal hysteria. Hysterical screaming. The female unit is flipping out. I run downstairs, leaping stairs, expecting to find a gang of Albanians ‘taken’ her away. Turns out the basement is flooding. I’m dismayed. No Albanians. Instead a silent laminating seepage of water is slowly making its way through the basement. The sump pump has stopped working. Still there is screaming. Cool as a cucumber I walk over to the valve – the back-up sump valve – and twist. The water retreats, barely a perceptible dampness left on a tiny stretch of basement. I look at the female unit, wondering what god has wrought on us men. The main sump pump is dead. Kicked it. Restarted it. Unplugged it. Threw the breaker. Plugged it. Kicked it more. Dead. I prepare for financial grab-ankle: time to call the plumber. Cancel the vacation. I’ll be buried as a pauper in a pine kitty litter box. Dad calls. “Hi Son!” He happened to be near our neighborhood. “Hi dad. Sump broke dad.” 5

Continue readingKill for fun, it’s fuckin’ funny don’t you think? One day you’ll decompose and those birds are singing…

Hemingway once said that it was difficult, if not impossible, to say or write one true thing. With the varying degrees of perception, belief, reality, and falsehood; it’s no surprise that he would feel that way. And to expand upon that problem a little further, we get in just as much trouble in the ways that we speak. Language as much a barrier to our understanding as our preconceived notions of the world. We all have our blinders and our bias. We have our perceptions and beliefs, and then, somewhere in the middle lies reality. How does a person honestly, truthfully, and without bias, state the truth? It is said that the one true and “pure” langauge that exists is math, but how does that help your average person on the street who is trying to communicate their needs? I was asked, yesterday, what my hitchhiking accomplished for me. There was no short and honest answer. In the end, sometimes we just do things because we feel that we must. It doesn’t have to make sense, and a lot of times, it never ever makes sense. Am I better person for having undertaken that journey? Absolutely. Can I articulate all

Continue readingAnd because of the things that I have done, I will never know what it’s like to kiss you in the pouring rain

About a decade ago, I remember being fascinated by the idea of the Bicameral mind. I’m not sure how many of you folks would know what that is, so I will explain it briefly to save a bit of confusion. For those of you who know me, you’ll know why I’m so fascinated with this particular manifestation of the mind. The theory of the bicameral mind was originally proposed by a psychologist named Julian Jaynes, and has been fairly controversial ever since. The basic premise is that, as recently as 3,000 years ago, the brain was split in to two separate but equal sections of consciousness. One consciousness would be the “man”, or the way in which the person experiences the world. The other consciousness would be called “god”. Instead of making conscious decisions and being aware of the thought process involved, a person of a bicameral mind would simply hear the thoughts of their split (or second) consciousness as a voice that orders and commands them to do things. In other words, imagine having a consciousness in which you simply exist and all your thinking and beliefs goes on in a separate and unaware part that tells you how

Continue readingDon’t be afraid to let go of hope, and enjoy the free fall

I’ve got a question for any of you geeks out there. Recently I’ve been troubled by a bit of a paradox. First, some background: It is possible to entangle the quantum properties of two particles. Doing so means that both particles will exist in a superposition of two states, but that the resolution of one superposition will force the resolution of the other particles wavefunction. All experiments to date have indicated that this phenomenon is instantaneous. So, here’s the setup: I entangle two particles, then send one on orbit around the earth at some significant percentage of the speed of light, then bring it back to the lab with the other particle. Then I carry out a measurement on the particle that remained stationary, thus causing a collapse of the superposition. The question: Does the traveling particle’s wavefunction collapse simultaneously in the stationary frame of the lab? Or will there be a delay associated with the time shift it would have experienced while orbiting? If it’s the former, what does that imply about space-time curvature and causality (i.e. the future, in this case the stationary particle, affecting the past)? If it’s the later, what if we measure both particles simultaneously

Continue readingWe hope that you will live to see another day, because you’re never going to count up the cost

It seems that I have somewhat neglected my blogging duties in the last month or so. And the times that I have written anything have been sad or morose or down right depressing. I’m not sure what has changed recently, but I’ve definitely been having trouble seeing the larger picture. Really, that’s all it takes to stay happy. To see the larger picture and realize that even when things get bad, they can always be worse. Some time ago, I got in to the habit of asking, “Will this matter to me in five years?” whenever something catastrophic (to me) happened. And you know what? For all the voices in your head that scream like chicken little that the sky is falling, there is very little, if anything, that deserves as much attention as we provide to our problems. I worry about my job and, while it’s true that losing my job would be bad, it wouldn’t be a catastrophe. I could collect unemployment and look for a better job elsewhere. And while it’s not preferable, I could always take a contract job in Iraq or Afghanistan. Inevitably, there are the worries about being hurt by those around us; especially

Continue readingLaying down in a messy room talking to myself, but I can’t even hold my own attention