To say that I’m upset is an understatement. I just feel like I need to rant and rave and carry on, and I’m angry. Very angry. I want to pick up my guitar and destroy the plate glass window in my office, and for bonus points, maybe hurt myself in the process.
Don’t worry. I won’t.
I’ve had many people in my past, friends, girlfriends, relatives, etc. say that I can calm them in the most dire of situations. That they have a sense of peace whenever they are around me.
I’ve heard that many times in my life. Many. Times. I have this “aura” about me, or energy, or whatever metaphysical hippie bullshit you want to call it. Either way, the sentiment is always the same. I’ve always believed it to be a great skill and one I use a lot in tense situations. My dad has even made comments to that effect, and he’s a person that normally can’t be calmed once he’s reached any real level of anger.
So why can’t I ever calm myself down? I have a long fuse, but I finally feel like all these thoughts in my head have me lit, and I’m on my way down to a million broken pieces.
Why I’m upset isn’t important.
I just wish… how I wish, that there was someone out there that could do the same for me, that I do for everyone else. Oh, but I know that hope is all I have. Even for just a single moment of rest, some peace in the requiem quiet; alone with my thoughts in the otherwise busy and frantic mind that I live in. Just one moment.
In a lifetime, I don’t think that that is asking too much.
EDIT: And just to clarify, anyone that knows about my blog, would not be the subject of a blog entry like this one. Just so you know.