Last night I couldn’t sleep, and as I tend to do, I sat by the fire and began writing to pass the time. I pondered over the many choices and directions that brought me to where I am today. I’ve done a lot of things; some good, some bad, some indifferent… but I decided I would write up a list of things I would tell my younger self (or my son, if I ever have one). In other words, a cheat sheet on living, if you will.
Here they are so far. They are not ordered by importance or anything like that. Thoughts?
1.) When you’re cooking that first meal in your apartment, remember that the handle on a cast iron skillet can look cool, even if it’s hot.
2.) The way a girl looks in a tight shirt and/or skirt, is no basis for a relationship.
3.) If you’re confident and knowledgeable, people will always come to you for answers. Feel free to readily admit when you don’t know.
4.) Don’t get married until you’re at least 25. Better yet, 30.
5.) Streaking naked through a mall is hilarious and fun. Just remember a few things when you’re diving in the passenger side window of your friend’s car: If the car is moving, you need to account for that when you leap. Also, the security guards chasing after you don’t like teenagers, and they will try to hurt you.
Oh, and if you don’t correct for the angle of approach as you leap in the window, you’re going to break your collar bone. It hurts.
6.) Take time for yourself, especially on those days when you feel like you’re overwhelmed by everything around you.
7.) Never date a stripper. The only thing that is going to happen is you’re going to get screwed, and not in a good way.
8.) Don’t spend your time on people who aren’t worth it. It sometimes takes a while to figure out who is worth it, and who is not.
9.) Trust and respect are two things that are earned. Just remember, a lot of deserving people will not go to great lengths for either.
10.) Don’t waste your time being jealous. In the end, there’s only one person being hurt, and it’s you.
11.) When you fire a 12 gauge shotgun, for christsake, make sure you have it firmly against your shoulder before pulling the trigger.
12.) Be loyal to friends and your loved ones. Surround yourself with people who do the same.
13.) Life will hurt, and sometimes it will hurt more than you can ever imagine. Time will heal it. Trust me, I know.
14.) Never forget to say, “I love you”, especially when you’re saying goodbye. There is never a time I’ve regretted saying it. Only the times I’ve not.
15.) Possums do sneak in to cars, and not only that, when you’re driving, they are vicious little bastards who hiss and squeal. Make sure you at least have a quart of oil to beat the shit out of it while you’re driving down a busy road.
16.) Stealing gas from farmers is not cool. Don’t do it. And if you do, don’t make so much noise that he wakes up and starts shooting at you.
17.) Never take someone for granted, and remember that most people really do try their best.
18.) Women will always appreciate the little things, even if you fail miserably in the process. Bring flowers, open doors, pay the bill, open car doors, kiss, hug, recite poetry, and say, “I love you”.
19.) Do not concoct, plan, and execute a trip to Sacramento while under the influence of illicit substances. In January.
20.) If you don’t listen to the advice in #19, you’re going to wake up in a ditch. Remember that with enough time and distance, a road will lead you somewhere you remember. This applies to life, too.
21.) Live your life as simply as you can manage. You’ll be happier in the long run.
22.) Travel as often as you can, but don’t go so far that you can’t find your way back.
23.) Hitchhiking across country can be fun, and you’ll learn an incredible amount about yourself. But like most things in life, it has its drawbacks. There will be times where you will not eat for a week; you will eat learn to eat out of trash cans and soup kitchens. There will be times when nobody will pick you up; you will walk for miles and miles even though you’re exhausted. There will be times when you are cold; you will shiver and wish for shelter. There will be times when people will spit on you, beat you, and call you names; all you can do is hope the next day is better.
24.) Always hope the next day is better.
25.) Courage is never the absence of fear. It is the ability to take action in contradiction of how you feel. Do not let fear of something in your life rule how you live it.
26.) Whenever you’re thinking about asking a girl out, remember this very simple statement: “What have you got to lose? You’re already not dating her.”
27.) In relation to the above, remember that rejection is temporary. A “What if” will haunt you forever.
28.) Find an exercise that you enjoy doing, whether it be jogging, hiking, sports, or the like. Stay active and stay healthy.
29.) If you’re going to puke on a rollercoaster, try and make sure it happens when the damn thing isn’t upside down. What goes up, must, eventually, come down.
30.) Try everything at least once. There are a few exceptions which are immoral or objectionable. Just make sure that YOU believe they are immoral or objectionable, and that you have a good reason for thinking so.
31.) Never, ever, ever, ever, ever tell your boss that you think he’s a moron. Assuming, of course, you want to keep your job.
32.) Specialization is for insects. You should be able to do a great many things, ranging from the very technical, the very mundane, to comforting the dying. Never ever ever ever stop learning.
33.) Make sure and laugh at yourself as often as possible. There’s no sense in taking things too seriously.
34.) Do not say, “You’re not going to check the trunk, are you?” when a cop pulls you over. Even if it’s a joke, he will not be happy.
35.) Aim for the stars in all things.
36.) Always question authority, and more importantly, question yourself.
37.) Chicks dig scars. Don’t be afraid to take chances.
38.) Dance.
39.) Like most things in life, all things in moderation. This includes alcohol, chocolate, drugs, food, women, and everything in between.
40.) Never learn your limits, that way you’ll never be surprised or shocked when you break them.
41.) Anger is a wasted emotion. At some point, let it go or you’ll always be a slave to it.
42.) Always tell the truth, especially when it hurts. If you don’t, you’re only prolonging the inevitable and making it worse.
43.) Do not have patience for those that are reckless with your heart. Let them go.
44.) If at first you don’t succeed, try even harder the next time.
45.) Learn to play at least one musical instrument. It’s incredibly rewarding.
46.) Sing often.
47.) Never accept, “Because that’s the way it is” as an answer to anything. Ever.
48.) Never call your mother-in-law a, “Stupid f@#$ing bitch”. It may be true, and you may feel better, but you’ve just made your life a whole hell of a lot harder.
49.) Always be faithful to those you love. If you’re tempted to cheat on someone, at least have the decency to break up with them first. NEVER EVER EVER be one of “those” people.
50.) Learn to listen to the advice of others. Sometimes it’s good, and sometimes it’s terrible. Listen anyway, and make up your own mind.
51.) Most people do not change, nor will they ever. Keep this in mind if someone professes the opposite.
52.) Sometimes people just need to be left alone.
53.) Always pee before getting on the bus, otherwise that last ten minutes is going to be… uncomfortable.
54.) Never loan money to someone unless you’ve already accepted that you won’t be getting it back.
55.) Always be flexible.
56.) Good deeds will never go unpunished. Do them anyway.
57.) When you’re leaving a concert in downtown Eugene, don’t walk through the middle of a riot of football fans. Tear gas hurts. So does pepper spray.
58.) Remember the basics: Round things roll, when you heat something it gets hot, and glass breaks.
59.) In any company you work, always get along with the secretary and be nice to her. Even if she sucks at her job. Trust me on this.
60.) Always use a condom. Don’t be stupid.
61.) Don’t get champaign in your eyes. It hurts like hell and will last for days.
62.) Don’t ever lie on your resume. They’ll figure it out eventually.
63.) When arguing with a loved one, always consider the long term before saying something unreasonably hurtful.
64.) Learn to clean up after yourself, especially as you go along. It’s easier to take two minutes each day to keep a place clean, instead of allowing it to spiral in to three hours of work.
65.) Never use liquid soap in a dishwasher. No seriously, do not do this. You will be cleaning up bubbles for hours. And hours. And hours.
66.) Take good care of your teeth. They’re pretty much the only ones you’ll ever have.
67.) All love will end in tragedy. Always. One person will break up with the other first, or one person will die first. Remember this, but always remember that the journey is much more important than the destination. Love is worth the risk of being the last one standing.
68.) Sometimes silence is okay, because there’s just nothing good to say. Learn to recognize when these moments occur.
69.) Learn to find at least one good thing in everything around you, especially the things that you hate.
70.) If you think you hate something, try it again just to make sure. Sometimes you’ll surprise yourself.
71.) When you’re baking, remember that salt looks a lot like sugar. Those cookies are going to taste weird if you don’t make sure you have the right one.
72.) Have respect for yourself, and be confident in who you are. Don’t allow others to define you.
73.) Never make huge life altering decisions on a whim, and never base it purely on emotion.
74.) Intuition is great, but remember that facts are much better to have. You can’t win a hand of poker on a hunch.
75.) It’s okay to be sad, just learn when it’s time to get up and be happy again. Don’t wallow for too long.
76.) 1977 Plymouth Fury’s will fly high and fly far if you jump it at 60mph. It’s not so good for the suspension when it only lands on one tire, however.
77.) Blown head gaskets suck, too.
78.) Getting shot at is really friggin’ scary… but it’s also a pretty good rush.
79.) Having a gun held to your head is just scary.
80.) If you’re in a junkyard at, oh, say 2am, if you see a Doberman, RUN FOR YOUR F@#$ING LIFE.
81.) Also remember, if you’re being chased by a Doberman, you only need to be faster than one of your friends. He will hate you for outrunning him for years after, though.
82.) Suicide is never an option. Don’t be a coward.
83.) It turns out, a pipe bomb in a mailbox is a federal offense, even if it’s just teenage hijinx. Also remember that, if the mailbox door isn’t closed, shrapnel will come out and it will find your face. It hurts. Yes, even if you’re 100 feet away.
84.) Giving CPR to someone is exhausting work. Make sure and take a first aid class, and remember that you have a much better chance of saving a life if you get them to a hospital immediately.
85.) Firing a gun with your back to a rock wall is a bad idea. The sound wave will give you a concussion. Concussions suck.
86.) Speaking of concussions, don’t ever stand too close to someone who is practice swinging a metal bat. You’ll eventually wake up, but it’ll be an hour later.
87.) Don’t ever be afraid to be yourself.
88.) Anything, no matter how good, gets old with enough repitition.
89.) Yes, your credit score is incredibly important for a lot of reasons. Don’t destroy it when you’re 18. You’ll spend a long time rebuilding it.
90.) Submitted by Heather: Everyone has something to teach you, even if it’s how NOT to be.