I’ve lived for others; fast and without remorse or regret. Never thinking about the consequences, and I’m sure it is plainly known by those that survived each storm with me that this is who I am. I just keep running and running and I never look back. I only pause to see all that I’ve destroyed and all that I’ve abandoned.
And still, I move on.
I’ve been going through a decent amount of introspection the last couple of weeks and come to find that I’m no longer sure of who I am or where I’m going.
As 1st Corinthians 13 put it, I am a “poor reflection”; I have trouble seeing beyond the illusion that is life, and the illusions that we feed ourselves. It’s a trap, though, one we fall in to when we look at our problems beneath a microscope and dust mites become dragons beneath the lense.
I’m eyeing those around me with a fair amount of suspicion these days and casually wondering if they’re as happy or as miserable as they seem to portray themselves. I suspect not, but then, what do I know about human behavior?
I guess I’m just rambling and not making much sense. I suppose I could attribute that to lack of sleep and the feeling of mind numbing uselessness that I have right now. I don’t know. I guess I’ll go back to bed and hope that tomorrow is a slightly better day.