I received an e-mail from my grandmother this morning. She said that she awoke in the middle of the night last night and prayed fervently for me for over an hour.
I feel bad. Really, I do.
I appreciate her sentiment and I appreciate the extreme length at which she cares for me, but I feel like a liar and a cheat; a heretic and a blasphemer. She’s praying for a non-believer, for a man who is faithless and godless. How do I reconcile her belief with my complete lack thereof?
I can’t thank her, because I feel that prayer is a waste of time. As far as I’m concerned, it’s as arbitrary as holding goat testicles and chanting the pledge of allegiance.
What then, do I say?
I could tell her that I love her, which is the truth, but that’s sidestepping the issue. Stepping around the issue, I feel, is as bad as lying.
Sigh.